Saturday I did not run. I did not sleep most of Friday night and my long run plans were squashed. I was tired most all day Saturday.
Sunday is always a rest day and my running buddy reached out to me Sunday afternoon and wanted to run together Monday. So we did.
I averaged 12:30 minute miles for my 4 miles. They were hard miles. I was plodding but could not go any faster. My slowness is because I am 35 pounds over my marathon weight and I did not run last weekend. Eventually, the weight will come off. I am discouraged because I have used a food app to monitor my macronutrients but two weeks ago when I weighed myself I had gained 5 pounds! I did not want to weigh myself this past Sunday and think that I will wait until I can feel more consistent in my running before moving back onto the scale.
I can not go out running by myself it seems. The intrinsic motivation is fleeting. My will power is limited. This is a hard place for me. I have never been so slow or so heavy. I don’t know where the state of flow is now. Mindfulness must mean patience in going slow with the hope that eventually things will change and eventually at some point I’ll have a good run with shadows of the state of flow